Trevor! This is a strong piece. I like the sassy voice; a kind of used-up and ironic voice which is perfect for this piece. I have to admit I don't understand the random rhyming, and for me, it interferes with the content. The rhymes are inconsistently placed and follow no real scansion, they take on much more importance and overwhelm the rest of the poem. I anticipate them (incorrectly) and I seek out the 'matching' words first rather than the curious content.

These are my favorite lines and they are pretty darned wonderful:

The carnal majesty of fever blizzard erotica,
Stories penned with the sweat on oily skins.
The curtains of neon phantasmagoria
showcase psychosexual fiends and harlequins


It’s those bedlam vices creeping through the creases
Playing in our heads like a thousand movie reels